Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
