Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
well you can't waste a boner
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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