I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My bed smells like the plague
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
