she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
