Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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