Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have post one night stand depression
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