I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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