this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
