I accidentally burped into my bong.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
