Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
