12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
