My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
