Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you will always have a special place in my vag
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
