were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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