Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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