Fine. I'll sleep in my office
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
