He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
