I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
