ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
