i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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