I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
