so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
