He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
