Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
im on a boat
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