Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
