Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
