rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
