white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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