I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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