i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
