They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I party with great urgency now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
