I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
