capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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