I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
