Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
