Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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