I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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