his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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