some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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