end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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