Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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