its not stalking. its research.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
