She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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