i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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