cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
