Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
