I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
