I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
