Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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