The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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