I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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