32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
